we do not bear children until we have so chosen

[dark_light]

Amariah appears in the Belltower, throws herself into a chair, and tries to read postcards, but her eyes won't focus on them. She tries the Bellbook, and scarcely has better luck, although her eyes do catch on a certain word.

"Jane."

"Yep?"

"I want to talk to Aether."

"I'll let her know!"

Comments

[dark_light]

"People don't like unrestrained negative feelings around their children. I had my rant; you don't have to be its audience."

[truthwright]

"Because it's going to hurt? Sure it is. But it hurts already," he says. "If we actually understood each other, it might stop hurting."

[dark_light]

"I - that's not what I'm worried about. People resent negative feelings about their children, people don't like people who produce negative feelings about their children."

[truthwright]

"But... you're you," he says, utterly at a loss. "And you feel how you feel. I can't resent you for being you, it would be like - like resenting Petaal for not settling, you couldn't be any other way, something would be wrong if you weren't who you are, I don't know everything about you but I know that finding out more things isn't going to make me love you any less. Probably cry. Never love you any less."

[dark_light]

Isabella kisses his hair.



"I didn't want her. I don't know if I ever would have wanted children, but now if I ever do they won't be the ones we would've had and you took that from me and I hate it. Your life is - almost incomprehensibly different to me now, we didn't get to learn to be parents together, I'm the one who vanished but you left me behind and now I have to scramble desperately to catch up and I can't even insta-cheat with magic like Juliet did with her spontaneous teenage relative. Or I could mostly ignore her, but - that's not who I want to be."

[truthwright]

He sighs and hugs her.

[dark_light]

"I mean, at least I didn't already have plans in place to have a little Dominique - Yseult donated the name to the template since she's not using it - at least I hadn't formed expectations that specific - although if we'd talked about it maybe you'd have called her something I like more than 'Helen' - I'm getting used to it but I wouldn't have named her that, Ianthe is fine and Kalavar is fine but -" She sighs.

[truthwright]

"Helen of Troy," he murmurs. "That's why I picked it."

[dark_light]

"Sure. It's not terrible, just - another thing I missed."

[truthwright]

Kas snuggles her.

[dark_light]

Snuggles.

[truthwright]

Snuggles.

[dark_light]

"I mean," says Isabella tentatively, "she - seems nice, I don't know, maybe we'll get along great."

[truthwright]

"I hope so," says Kas. "...Do you not think you will?"

[dark_light]

"...Guardedly optimistic."

[truthwright]

[dark_light]

"It's the best I can do. I didn't want her. I haven't started just because I got her anyway. But - but maybe we will get along fine."

[truthwright]

"...Okay."

Snuggle.

[dark_light]

Snuggle.

Sigh.

[truthwright]

Yes. Those.